please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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