Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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