Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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