i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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