my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
