Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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