Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
