My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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