Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
being pregnant is like rehab
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
