worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize