I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
