She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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