You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
