STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You ruined the universe
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
