Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
