If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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