last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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