i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
