My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
