Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
