cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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