im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
