I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
