so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have fence marks all over my body
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
