It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
