Dual....:-)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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