I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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