One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
