I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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