in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
