i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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