You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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