That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
