You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
