Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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