i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I supernannyed him into submission
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
