this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
did you just send me my own nude
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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