i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
