oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
