I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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