I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
