What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
