tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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