Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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