I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
