So drunk its hurt
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
too bad you live with your parents still
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
