she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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