I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry about my life...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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