You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
