I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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