haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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