I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
