I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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