We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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