You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
