Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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