You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
