There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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