Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize