I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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