I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sober January is a disaster.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
