when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
