Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
