you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
