What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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