youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
