She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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