the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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