woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What a dumb baby whore.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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