Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
