I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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