She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
