Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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