my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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