I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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