You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
