State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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